This is the one time of year that I love wasps.
Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.
Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.
The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.
I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.
The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.
So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.
Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.
pioverzerosquared I guess we know what we have to bring on our next camping trip.
Okay, they sent me an e-mail back and they were like “It should be fixed now”, except they still have a comma at the end of the url so it’s not working, and like…do I e-mail them back and tell them? Or do I just let it go? WHY CAN’T THEY TROUBLESHOOT THESE THINGS WHY DO THEY SUCK WHERE ARE THEIR INTERNS
So remember the candidate for office whose page on domestic violence was down? I e-mailed the campaign about it and they sent me a message back that literally just said, “It works for us.” Like are you even TRYING to have good PR?
Update: it works via one link on the website, but not via another, probably because the two links redirect to two different urls, and obviously only one of them is the real one. I have communicated this information to the campaign in an e-mail. Maybe they’ll hire me.
Do you think anyone at my church has noticed that I only ever play music by like three different composers, and I repeat pieces once every 2-3 years?
Jonathan turned 100 in 1932! You’d have thought that by the time World War II ended in 1945, more than a century of horrors would have jarred this scoundrel into action, or, at the very least, into advocacy for humanitarian causes, but as he has grown older and his celebrity has increased, Jonathan has repeatedly failed—though perhaps neglected is the more appropriate word—to wield his influence in the name of progress.
I read this and was almost like “wow you go Taylor Swift” until I remembered that like 99% of the people who give feminism this reputation are people who are like “yeah I’m not a feminist because I don’t hate men” if people would just STOP SAYING THAT we could move the fuck on